4.28.2014

"How are you Sleeping?" A Glimpse...

One of the hot topics moms get asked constantly is centered around sleep. We all need it, we all want more of it, and for some reason family and friends want to know all about it. A new mom will get asked,"How are you sleeping?", "How is the baby sleeping?" and, gulp, "Where is the baby sleeping?" more often than "How are you doing today?".

Before we had Caleb we had planned on bed-sharing exclusively. Bed sharing is different than co-sleeping and room-sharing. Some families find that what they thought they wanted prior to having children changes after their baby is born!

Bed-sharing= baby is in bed with one or both parents
Co-sleeping= baby is next to one of the parents but either in a separate container or in a co-sleeper attached to the bed.
Room-sharing= baby is in the same room as parents but either in a crib, swing, floor bed, or container that is a few feet away from the bed.

When Caleb was a newborn, I soon discovered although bed-sharing is awesome for nursing, I wasn't sleeping as great as I wanted to because I was half-awake. We tried putting him in the Rock-n-Play for a few hours at night and that seemed to work out great! He was right next to me within arms reach but enough distance away for me to sleep soundly. Around 3am or so I would pull him into bed after a feeding until about 6am. He got a cold around week 6 and from weeks 6-9 he was almost exclusively in the rock-n-play because it is elevated. I tried pulling him into bed a few times and he would get more stuffed up and upset because he wasn't elevated.

Napping in his Rock-n-Play

Escaping the swaddle at 4 weeks in bed in the morning

Since our little guy isn't so little and is close to 17+lbs at 3 1/2 months, the Rock-n-Play is becoming a bit small for him. Caleb has become increasingly fussy over the past few nights and is spending more and more time with us in bed so we can all sleep better. Here is what a typical night looks like for us recently:

7:30-7:40 Nurse (yes, he is that quick)
8:00 Bath/Shower with Caleb (Mommy does a bath, or Daddy will do shower after CrossFit)
8:15 Massage/change into Jammies, read a book or two, pray.
8:45 Caleb's legs get swaddled, put him in the Rock-n-Play, turn on Ocean or Rain on the sound Machine
8:45-9pm Caleb pretends to run a Marathon, sing in an Opera, and grunt like a pig. He also finds his hands and starts chomping on them
9:00ish Caleb will suddenly become very focused on sucking his fingers and fiddling with his swaddle blanket or a washcloth (yes, our child's security blanket is a washcloth)
9ish-9:15 Caleb falls asleep
9-11:00pm John and I spend time together, clean up after dinner, hang out
11ish Parents go to bed
1-3am Sometime between these hours Caleb wakes up finishing his Marathon, grunting, and chomping on his finders again. This is his most fussy time of the night. I will bring him into bed and nurse him lying down on my back with him draped over my torso. He will try to do squat jumps off the bed where his feel touch as he is nursing. We will often both fall asleep until I wake up an hour or two later. At this point I will either put him next to me or back in his Rock-n-Play, depending on how tired I am (it is not safe to bed-share when a parent is overly-tired).
4-5:00am Around this time Caleb will want to nurse again. I usually do this one side-lying and he will roll over when he is done. He is typically between me and John.
6:30-7:15am Caleb is up-and-at-em. He starts a triathlon with backstroke, moves into bicycle kicks, and finishes with a good long run. This is John's favorite time because he will roll over and chat with Caleb, and Caleb will strain to get close to John and smile at him. So precious
7:00am Nurse, then John will change his diaper and take him out of the bedroom so I can sleep for 30 more minutes.

Bedtime shower with Daddy

Good morning Mom!

Finding his fingers to chomp on in the morning

When people ask me "How long do you want to have him in bed with you?" my response varies depending on how the prior night went. Until bed-sharing no longer works for us or Caleb we will continue to have him in bed. Based on his personality and how it has been going recently, I have a feeling he will sleep really well on a flat surface independently. He gets his best sleep when John and I aren't in the room. Every child is different and every family is different. There is no "right" way for a family to sleep. In my opinion as long as everyone is sleeping, it doesn't matter where sleep happens or who is with whom. Often parents who bed-share get asked the question, "What about intimacy? Doesn't having your kid in bed put a damper on things?". The best response I have found is, "You guys are only intimate at night and in the bedroom? How boring!" Creativity my friend, creativity. It's the spice of life.

Good morning tummy-time with Daddy

Regardless of where your child sleeps, I hope this post will have given you a glimpse of what our lives look like at night. I hope that if your child is alone in their own room, you choose not to judge the next bed-sharing family you come across. If your 9-year-old is still in bed with you because that is how all of you get sleep, I hope you can relax a little knowing that if that works for your family keep your head held high!

4.22.2014

Babies and Movement Readiness

John and I let Caleb explore his own environment in his own time. We are a "baby-container-free-ish" house. The way we see it, babies are meant to move or be held! The only "containers" we have for Caleb are his Rock-in-Play for naps and for his first night shift, his carseat (which stays in the car), and his stroller (which we have used a handful of times but will use more when he is bigger). No swings, rockers, play stations, bumbos, playpens, cribs, or other things meant to restrict movement and babysit Caleb. The main reason we don't have these things is for space. John has helped me learn about infant development and movement readiness through his personal research on functional mobility. Functional mobility is what is sounds like; movement with a function. Walking, running, squatting, lifting, pulling, pushing, and other natural movements we use daily. From what John has researched there is a progression of movement patterns that babies develop. The order of these movements is important because it helps their nervous system structure movement patterns and develop skills that build on top of each other. Babies are experts at functional movement! We can learn a lot from how a baby learns to move. They have the ultimate perfect squat position!

With all this information we have decided that Caleb needs to "earn" the right to move. This can be really hard for other people to understand because they might think we are being mean to our child! Our philosophy is that if his ligaments, muscles, and spinal structure cannot support himself in a particular position then he is not ready to be in that position. That means no bumbos, johnny jump-ups, play saucer walker things, or propping him up with pillows to sit him up unless he can get into a sitting position or a standing position on his own without assistance. Muscle imbalances occur with repetitive incorrect movement patterns. We want Caleb to learn how to move the right way by not giving him the option of developing muscle imbalances. I read a blog post before Caleb was born from Mama OT called "Beware the Bumbo Seat" and this has helped influence my decisions not to register for any of those things that claim they will help your child "develop".

We want Caleb to learn to walk the right way by using his own body awareness and again "earning" the right to do so. We aren't going to "help him walk" or put him into a standing position before he can hold his own weight up without our assistance. A lot of moms might think I am crazy, but this is our choice! It is not "good for their muscles" as your mom or grandmother might tell you. In their defense, our parents didn't know any better and made the best decisions they could with the information that was available to them at the time!

Motivation is what keeps these movement patterns progressing. All that kicking you see babies do, crawling, and trying to reach things is what builds their muscles up for walking readiness. I can already see Caleb reaching for toys that are just out of his reach and becoming frustrated that he cannot access them. The motivation to reach that toy will drive his gross motor development to figure out a way for his body to get over to it. We let Caleb get "frustrated" to a point that we believe he can handle and we give him breaks so he doesn't lose motivation. He is pretty close to rolling over or squirming over to his favorite cow toy. We are patient with him and affirm his efforts by saying "I can see how much you want that toy, you are doing such a good job trying to figure out how to get it! Go buddy! You are so close!".


After 10 minutes of trying to get his rings Caleb figured out a combo of pulling the towel and squirming forward. Then he spit up. Bummer ;-)

I see so many moms judge, criticize, and put down other moms and families for their choices and decisions. Judgement is not in short supply when you approach another person with the intent of proving that you are "better" than someone else. Often times we put down someone else or deliver judgement to feel better about insecurities we are struggling with and to give ourselves the satisfaction of feeling "right". My intent with sharing this information is to help other parents consider why they are doing something (like putting their child in a bumbo) so that they can consider another option. If I see a mom using these items I will not jump on her and recite this post word for word. That mom is doing all that she can with the information that she has to raise her child! I do not judge other moms and think that I have it all figured out. In fact, I need the help of other moms to raise this little boy!

The pitfalls of some modern day baby equipment

Therapists see no developmental benefits from Bumbos

Baby containers: Are we living in a culture of overuse? - See more at: http://blog.uindy.edu/blog/health-sciences/baby-containers-are-we-living-in-a-culture-of-overuse#sthash.9VNNgCQ1.dpuf

Baby Containers: Are we living in a culture of overuse?

Our little love is such a joy!