"How are you Sleeping?" A Glimpse...

One of the hot topics moms get asked constantly is centered around sleep. We all need it, we all want more of it, and for some reason family and friends want to know all about it. A new mom will get asked,"How are you sleeping?", "How is the baby sleeping?" and, gulp, "Where is the baby sleeping?" more often than "How are you doing today?".

Before we had Caleb we had planned on bed-sharing exclusively. Bed sharing is different than co-sleeping and room-sharing. Some families find that what they thought they wanted prior to having children changes after their baby is born!

Bed-sharing= baby is in bed with one or both parents
Co-sleeping= baby is next to one of the parents but either in a separate container or in a co-sleeper attached to the bed.
Room-sharing= baby is in the same room as parents but either in a crib, swing, floor bed, or container that is a few feet away from the bed.


When Caleb was a newborn, I soon discovered although bed-sharing is awesome for nursing, I wasn't sleeping as great as I wanted to because I was half-awake. We tried putting him in the Rock-n-Play for a few hours at night and that seemed to work out great! He was right next to me within arms reach but enough distance away for me to sleep soundly. Around 3am or so I would pull him into bed after a feeding until about 6am. He got a cold around week 6 and from weeks 6-9 he was almost exclusively in the rock-n-play because it is elevated. I tried pulling him into bed a few times and he would get more stuffed up and upset because he wasn't elevated.

Napping in his Rock-n-Play

Escaping the swaddle at 4 weeks in bed in the morning 

Since our little guy isn't so little and is close to 17+lbs at 3 1/2 months, the Rock-n-Play is becoming a bit small for him. Caleb has become increasingly fussy over the past few nights and is spending more and more time with us in bed so we can all sleep better. Here is what a typical night looks like for us recently:

7:30-7:40 Nurse (yes, he is that quick)
8:00 Bath/Shower with Caleb (Mommy does a bath, or Daddy will do  shower after CrossFit)
8:15 Massage/change into Jammies, read a book or two, pray.
8:45  Caleb's legs get swaddled, put him in the Rock-n-Play, turn on Ocean or Rain on the sound Machine
8:45-9pm Caleb pretends to run a Marathon, sing in an Opera, and grunt like a pig. He also finds his hands and starts chomping on them
9:00ish Caleb will suddenly become very focused on sucking his fingers and fiddling with his swaddle blanket or a washcloth (yes, our child's security blanket is a washcloth)
9ish-9:15 Caleb falls asleep
9-11:00pm John and I spend time together, clean up after dinner, hang out
11ish Parents go to bed
 1-3am Sometime between these hours Caleb wakes up finishing his Marathon, grunting, and chomping on his finders again. This is his most fussy time of the night. I will bring him into bed and nurse him lying down on my back with him draped over my torso. He will try to do squat jumps off the bed where his feel touch as he is nursing.  We will often both fall asleep until I wake up an hour or two later. At this point I will either put him next to me or back in his Rock-n-Play, depending on how tired I am (it is not safe to bed-share when a parent is overly-tired).
4-5:00am Around this time Caleb will want to nurse again. I usually do this one side-lying and he will roll over when he is done. He is typically between me and John.
6:30-7:15am Caleb is up-and-at-em. He starts a triathlon with backstroke, moves into bicycle kicks, and finishes with a good long run. This is John's favorite time because he will roll over and chat with Caleb, and Caleb will strain to get close to John and smile at him. So precious
7:00am Nurse, then John will change his diaper and take him out of the bedroom so I can sleep for 30 more minutes.

Bedtime shower with Daddy

Good morning Mom!

Finding his fingers to chomp on in the morning

When people ask me "How long do you want to have him in bed with you?" my response varies depending on how the prior night went. Until bed-sharing no longer works for us or Caleb we will continue to have him in bed. Based on his personality and how it has been going recently, I have a feeling he will sleep really well on a flat surface independently. He gets his best sleep when John and I aren't in the room.  Every child is different and every family is different. There is no "right" way for a family to sleep. In my opinion as long as everyone is sleeping, it doesn't matter where sleep happens or who is with whom. Often parents who bed-share get asked the question, "What about intimacy? Doesn't having your kid in bed put a damper on things?". The best response I have found is, "You guys are only intimate at night and in the bedroom?  How boring!" Creativity my friend, creativity. It's the spice of life.

Good morning tummy-time with Daddy

Regardless of where your child sleeps, I hope this post will have given you a glimpse of what our lives look like at night. I hope that if your child is alone in their own room, you choose not to judge the next bed-sharing family you come across. If your 9-year-old is still in bed with you because that is how all of you get sleep, I hope you can relax a little knowing that if that works for your family keep your head held high!