There are a few things I didn't expect about being a mom. Some are frustrating and some are wonderful. I hope new mommies out there can feel like they aren't alone and every other mom goes through similar things too. Here they are:
I didn't expect....
1. To feel like a seahorse
After I gave birth I felt like a seahorse. The curved spine, bloated belly, and floppy body I could all identify with. I felt like my body had a giant hole in it! All the ligaments that hold your belly up when you are pregnant are stretched out, your abs are worlds apart from each other, and your arms and back muscles are adjusting to holding a nursing baby so you are more than a little sore. I started to feel somewhat normal around day 6 after I went for a long walk. My midwife suggested tying a scarf around my tummy or using my pregnancy support belt backwards so I didn't feel like I was going to cave in on myself and fold in half when I was walking. It helped!
2. To not sleep
For some reason the thought never dawned on me what it would be LIKE to not sleep a full night and wake up exhausted. I knew I would be waking up a few times to feed Caleb, but I have never gone more than a night or two recently without at least a few hours of sleep. It never occurred to me now much this wears on your body! After a few nights of going to bed at 12am, waking up from 3-4am, then sleeping from 4am-7am and staying up the rest of the day I had a breakdown (or three). I told John it feel like you are in college studying for a midterm EVERY night. I started sleeping again after Caleb eats in the morning and sleeping until 9am or 10am, depending on when he woke up again. The crazy thing is how much your body adapts to this schedule!
3. The Frustration
When you don't sleep this is even more present! I didn't expect how frustrating certain things would be. Sometimes dear Caleb wants to party instead of take a nap, even though he is beyond tired and more than a little bit fussy. It is so hard to know that sleep will make him feel better and yet he is fighting it so much. The practice of patience is ever more important during these times. It is easy to forget that little babies can only communicate things through crying. Sometimes I expect him to be like a little adult and be independent and this is not the case! If I notice myself getting elevated I grab a Spark (aka happy mommy juice) and take a nap in the afternoon for at least 30 minutes or so.
4. How Long Everything Takes
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| This is on Sunday wen we didn't make it to the 9am Flood gathering in time |
Every task that was so easy before a kid is SOOO different when you factor them into the equation. "Running to the store" to pick up a forgotten ingredient for that amazing new Thai dish you are trying out just became "hmmm, maybe I can get it after he wakes up in a hour or two. Well, he will be hungry when we get to the store so I will need to bring the diaper bag to burp him. Oh wait! It isn't packed so I need to do that. And I forgot to eat lunch so maybe I should do that first. Ok I need to put on the Moby wrap before he wakes up. Oh! I should change his diaper before we go too because last time he pooped and got fussy and screamed in the checkout line. I need to put a bra on and make my self presentable too so I should do that before I put on the Moby. Oh wait, I should eat first so that I don't spill all over my new outfit. What do I need to pick up again? Oh yeah, bell peppers. Are they really that important? Maybe not. Maybe I can just make eggs for dinner again, that way I don't have to go get bell peppers. And as a bonus I don't have to wear a bra either." I have learned to plan on being early to things and then maybe I will only be half as late.
5. How Many Breastfeeding Issues Are Out There
I have been going to a breastfeeding support group and absolutely love the lactation consultant that runs it. If you are a new mom who is planning on nursing you must get around other nursing moms! There are so many issues that come up in our group, I am surprised at how different every nursing relationship is! I have a fast let-down (think fire hose when the milk starts flowing) and am an over-producer (meaning my body didn't get the memo that I only had ONE baby. Body, you are not trying to feed twins so tone it down a notch!). These are are better "problems" than not making enough milk but it affects Caleb more than it does me. He will sputter when the fire hose of milk shoots in the back of his throat and he takes in a lot of air trying to keep up his gulping pace. I need to nurse him practically lying down so that he doesn't choke and he can manage my milk flow. There is one girl in the group whose baby was in the NICU for 10 hours and her first food wasn't her Mommy's milk so she refuses to nurse and will only take breast milk if it is in a bottle (she has since gotten a lot of help to take her mom's breast and is doing great). Three of the babies in our group were or are tongue-tied. Two of them got surgery and the other one does tongue exercises before feeding. One baby isn't gaining enough weight because her mom doesn't produce enough milk. That mom needs to supplement with formula while she tries every possible thing imaginable to increase her milk supply. She even got a prescription for a drug that is illegal in the U.S. but can be filled in Canada and has seen amazing results so far.
6. Comparing Yourself to Other Moms.
Ever seen these hashtags? #bestmomever #mybabyiscuterthanyours #geniusinthemaking #mybabyiswayadvanced #besthusbandever #workedoutfor3hours #babyslept8hours #idontneedhelp #mybabydoesntcry #supermom
As women we compare ourselves to other women anyways. When I became pregnant I saw myself starting to believe that I would have the easiest, best, most amazing "achiever" pregnancy ever. All my ducks in a row, no complications, healthy wealthy and well. For the most part I enjoyed my pregnancy but there were times that it sucked. When you birth your baby and become a mother there are so many these things that are so tempting to compare yourself and your baby up against. Let me begin. Other moms and babies for starters. Not to mention other dads. Your own mother and family unit, as well as your husband's family and how he was raised. BabyCenter.com babies and all of the, "At 6 weeks your baby should be..." lists. Random friends who had babies who post pictures and updates on Facebook and Instagram. Every book that seems to tell you a formula for a happy, no-fuss, sleeps-all-the-time baby. I think the worst person to compare yourself to is your perfect, ideal self. The person you think you "ought to be" as a mom, the person you expect yourself to be. I have needed to release and surrender so many of my own desires and expectations! My antidote to comparison is encouragement and genuine complements to other moms. Try it, its awesome. I deeply desire to appreciate Caleb just as God created him. I am trying so very hard not to read those books that tell me what he should be doing at what time, how he can become a genius, and what steps to take to create a "super baby". For the most part I have let Caleb and other mom's experiences be my manual for how to do this thing called motherhood. Sure I occasionally read articles online when I get worried about something but I do it from a reactionary standpoint instead of trying to prevent every imaginable problem that could arise. I don't want Caleb to grow up feeling judged, compared, and sized-up against other kids his age, especially from us as his parents! BUT I know it starts now, from infancy. We have made a commitment as parents to care more about who he is instead of what he does. In our home character trumps accomplishments and achievements. Everyone starts talking about Caleb based on his achievements. They ask, "How much did he weigh? How long was your labor? Is he sleeping great? Do you sleep at night? Is he a good eater? Is he smiling yet? How much weight has he gained already?" These things don't matter at all in the long run! If Caleb struggles in math and constantly brings home C+ papers no matter how hard he tries, but he gives his snack to the homeless man who asks him for food on the way home from school I will beam with pride. I will know that we are helping shape an individual who will do great things in the kingdom of God because he has great character.
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